Taking the Leap
On a hot, sultry afternoon, vacationing in Hawaii, two friends and I reach the summit of a spectacular 30 foot waterfall. The three of us were more than ready to enjoy its refreshing waters. We stood at the edge and prepared ourselves to meet the final challenge: to enjoy our watery treasure like it was a king’s ransom. My friends leapt with utter abandon, effortlessly letting go, joyfully taking flight into a free fall toward the clear waters below. Unexpectedly, my adventurous spirit stood still, petrified. My fingers clawed into the rock, my breath unable to escape. The cliff and I have become one.
‘What happened?’ Everything had seemed so effortless. I watched my friends take flight, and intrigued I watched an energetic doorway open behind them, like a tailwind making the journey easier. But I had waited, and my fears began to crowd my decision to jump. ‘Was there another way down? Could I go back the way I came? Did I really need to swim? It wasn’t that hot? What if I hit a shallow spot?’ The doorway was receding. ‘No, wait, I want to jump,’ I told mysel, but I could feel the internal demons lurking on the edges of my mind. ‘No,’ I warned the demons: ‘ I was not going to be terrorized by my own fear.’
But the doorway was gone. There I stood, alone, hovering on the cliff’s face.
Below, my friends rejuvenated by the cool waters, surface; I call out to them. Confused they look up, shocked to see me frozen to the cliff’s edge. Colleen and Chris attempt to cajole me off my perch, but to no avail. The doorway; I needed to recreate the doorway. I asked for help. Chris realized I was serious, and so with great agility and some trepidation, he started to climb. Before I knew it, he was beside me having barely missed being attacked by bees. whose hive he had accidentally disturbed. “I won’t be doing that anytime soon,’ he informed me. I told him about the doorway. “Tell me when you are ready. It’s now or never.” I knew he wasn’t joking.
My grip relaxed. I focused on my breath. It began to flow again. I looked down to the water,and I shuddered. Colleen waves encouragingly and shouted, ‘act as if, Tracey, act as if.’ With this guidance I closed my eyes. ‘I know how to do this’,’ I thought. I imagined the cool water refreshing me from the heat of the day, and I could feel how amazing it would be to let go and join my friends below. Slowly, the sun’s warmth penetrated my frozen form. I let the glow of triumph fill my being; I wanted this more than anything! I could taste it. Finally, I nodded to Chris.
With a wicked grin on his face, he took a running leap, once again without a care in the world, as if he were a feather awaiting a soft landing. Ah! There it was – the doorway! Wide open; it beckoned me with the possibility of true freedom. Now or never; Chris’ words ran through my mind. My courage mounted, and I looked down. Oh, no. Can I let go? ‘Yes! No! I’m stuck to this cliff face, again! No, I can do this! I’ve got to do this!’ As I hesitated, the doorway began to close again, as if registering my indecision. My fears encroached upon the ground recently won by my earlier resolution. The doorway was barely ajar. Was I prepared to live with these fears if I walk down the mountain? No. ‘I have to do it. I want to do it! Then act as if; NOW!’ Chris’ courage drew me forward, and Colleen’s words pointed me inward. ‘I can do this! Please, fingers, release yourselves! Whatever courage I have, please come to my aid now, and help me to let go, let go, let go….’
I leapt! … I leapt into the abyss of my deepest fears. Thirty feet passed in seconds, and I was enveloped by the cool blue. Innate freedom flooded me. ‘I did it, I really did it!’ Laughter bubbled up. Baptized! My spirit renewed, my body cleansed.
I remember the cliff, I remember the doorway, I remember the leap. I reside in the delicious response of saying, Yes to life, and experience the wonder of being in the truth of what I am.
