Taking the Leap
On a hot, sultry afternoon, two friends and I reach the summit of a spectacular 30 foot Hawaiian waterfall. The three of us were more than ready to enjoy its refreshing waters. We stood at the edge, and prepared ourselves to meet the final challenge, to enjoy our watery treasure like it was a king’s ransom. My two best friends leap with utter abandon, effortlessly letting go, joyfully taking flight into a free fall to the clear waters below. Unexpectedly, my adventurous spirit – stands, petrified. My fingers clawed into the rock, my breath unable to escape, the cliff and I have become one.
‘What happened?’ Everything had seemed so effortless. I watched my friends take flight, and intrigued I watched an energetic doorway open behind them, like a tailwind making the journey easier. That’s how the courage of one can support many. But I waited…, and my fears began to crowd my decision to jump. ‘Was there another way down? I could go back the way I came? I didn’t need to swim, it wasn’t that hot? What if I hit a shallow spot?’ The doorway was receding. ‘No, wait, I want to jump too.’ I had to jump; I could feel the internal demons lurking on the edges of my mind. ‘No, I was not going to be terrorized by my own fear.’ That doorway, all of a split second, was gone. There I stood, alone and cold, hovering on the cliff’s face.
Below, my friends rejuvenated by the cool waters, surface; I call out to them. Confused they look up, shocked to see me frozen to the cliff’s edge, hanging on with clear determination. Colleen and Chris attempt to cajole me off my perch to no avail. The doorway, I need to recreate the doorway. I ask for help. Chris realized I was serious, and so with great agility and some trepidation, he took on the cliff face. Before I knew it, he was beside me having barely missed being attacked by a hive of bees he had accidentally disturbed. “I won’t be doing that anytime soon,’ he informs me. I tell him about the doorway. “Tell me when you are ready, it’s now or never.” I knew he wasn’t joking.
My grip relaxed; I focus on my breath, it begins to flow again. I look down to the water, I shudder. Colleen waves encouragingly and shouts, ‘act as if Trace, act as if.’ With this guidance I close my eyes, I know how to do this. I feel the cool water refreshing me from the heat of the day, I feel how amazing it is to let go and join my friends below, the sun’s warmth slowly penetrates my frozen form. I let the glow of triumph fill my being; I wanted this more than anything! I could taste it. Finally, I nod to Chris.
With a wicked grin on his face, he takes a running leap, once again without a care in the world, as if he were a feather awaiting a soft landing. Ah, there it is – the doorway. Wide open; it beacons me with the possibility of true freedom. Now or never, Chris’ words run through my mind. My courage builds, I look down. Oh, no. Can I let go? Yes! No! I’m stuck to this cliff face, again! No, I can do this! I’ve got to do this! The doorway sadly begins to close as if registering my hesitation. My fears encroach upon the ground recently won by my earlier resolution. The doorway, barely ajar. Am I prepared to live with these fears if I walk down the mountain? No, I have to do it, I want to do it! Then act as if, NOW! Chris’ courage draws me forward, Colleen’s words point me inward, I can do this, please fingers release, whatever courage I have please come to my aid now, let go, let go, let go….
I leap! I leap in to the abyss of my deepest fears. Thirty feet pass in seconds, I am enveloped by the cool blue. Innate freedom welcomes me. “I did it, I really did it!” Laughter bubbles up. Baptized! My spirit renewed, my body cleansed. I choose to live the truth of who I am.
